Poop post, poop mouth?

‘Ello, ‘ello, urrbody. Going to jump around here a bit, so uh, buckle up.

So there’s this guy, right? Most people may say he’s the most talented, gritty, America encapsulating player to ever play professional football (which brings to my curiosity, is Harrison Ford too old to play #4 in the Brett Favre story? I think not). Yes, yes, Brett Favre. I’ve always thought of him as a selfish, short-sighted, too quick to try a tough pass, gunslinging hick. This is not to say that he’s not incredibly talent and easily one of the greatest to ever lace up his cleats. Whereas I do not participate, I do, for the most part, understand the love affair with #4.

//

What better way than to prove that your show is not a super-produced sham, with aids just outside the reach of the camera, than to drink your own urine out of a snake’s hide posing as a crude canteen. Good work, Bear Grylls, I believe. However, you’re nothing but a two-bit, limey knock-off of (Canada’s beloved) Les Stroud. Here’s a side note, do you think Gregory House, from Fox’s House, could survive in the wild? I’m sure the cane probably wouldn’t provide much assistance (but then again, he probably wouldn’t make it too far seeing as how it’s proven that limping while surviving increases the chances of death by no more than 65%).

//

Do you know of the world of cleansing, or more specifically, colon cleansing? In certain circles, it’s even more cool than bleaching your anus (very few circles, because let’s face it, turning your brown-eye, blonde is so, so hot). There are many physical and psychological benefits to ridding your body of “unwanted waste,” the most important being the feeling of “being more energized” (with a general feeling of being lighter, coming in second).

Much like similar movements, the colon cleansing revolution has a leader. That man’s name is Klee Irwin. He has, or desires to have, more intimate knowledge of your large intestine and bowel movements than you’d ever care to be aware of. Aside from his (makeup caked) visible acne scars, suspiciously fake facial hair, the man has one of the creepiest overall look and demeanor that you’ve ever encountered (yes, even in the beautiful medium of informercials. Please, take a minute to examine exhibit A:

klee irwin and his 4 year old daughter
by kickmeitalk

That’s right, babies who poop human arms are frightening. And so are you, Klee. And so are you.